Dealing with the death of a co-worker

People who work with us can be like our extended families. We spend a good part of our day working with them, and we have the opportunity to get close to them. When that person dies, it can leave a void, and we grieve. When the death is unexpected, it can be particularly traumatic.

The grieving process

Feelings and symptoms of grief can take weeks, months and even years to manifest and evolve. People do not heal on a timetable, but the emotions ease over time. The brief time given to attend the funeral only touches the beginning stages of grief. Experts describe the feelings, symptoms and outcomes of grief in various ways.

The feelings and symptoms of grief may include:

• Shock

• Denial

• Anger

• Guilt

• Anxiety

• Sleep disorders

• Exhaustion

• Overwhelming sadness

• Concentration difficulties

A person often feels several of these emotions simultaneously, though perhaps in different degrees. Eventually, each phase is completed, and the person moves ahead. The extent, depth and duration of the process will also depend on how close people were to the deceased, their circumstances, and their own situation. Some outcomes of grief may include finding a new balance (which does not necessarily mean that things will be the same) and growth (readiness to move ahead with one's life).

Take time to grieve

You and your co-workers will need time to grieve. Some things to do to help this process can be:

• Create a memorial board. A photo, card or special item the person kept on their desk can be a way to remember.

• Create a book of memories to give to the family. Many people are not aware of the work-life of people they love. These will be unique memories for the family and a way for you to express feelings and memories privately.

• Conduct a workplace-only event. A luncheon or office-only memorial allows co-workers to acknowledge their unique relationship with the deceased.

• Attend the funeral or memorial service.

People experience grief differently. You or a co-worker who was particularly close to a person who died may feel depressed, absentminded, short-tempered or exhausted. These are all typical feelings.

Creating healthy memories is part of healing. Some people find talking about the deceased helps them manage their grief. Others keep to themselves. Respect that others may feel the loss more or less strongly than you or cope differently. Death also generates questions and fears about our own mortality. If a co-worker dies, you may feel guilty or angry at the person, life, or medical profession. It may cause you to question your own life. These are typical emotions.