Helping first responders deal with grief

When tragedy strikes, police, firefighters, emergency medical technicians (EMTs) and crisis counselors are usually the first people on the scene. From defusing high-risk situations to assisting the injured and removing the deceased, first responders see a tremendous amount of pain and suffering. As a partner, family member, friend or co-worker of a first responder, here are some tips to help you address the feelings they may be experiencing. 

Understanding what first responders do 

To understand the grief many first responders experience, it is essential to understand the everyday tasks of first responders. The basic structure for any first responder position is: 

  • Preparation 

  • Response 

  • Recovery 

Preparation includes having all contacts in order, having access to adequate supplies and ensuring a backup plan is in place for essential utilities, such as electricity and water. 

Response includes procedures for impact assessments, repairs and implementation of alternate communications solutions. Three levels of criticality are frequently used: 

  • Mission critical: Indicates a catastrophic breakdown in response-ability, which could result in major loss of life, property and system trust breakdown. 

  • Important: Indicates a severe decrease in the ability to respond to emergency needs. Excessive loss of life or property could be associated with this type of outage. 

  • Minor: Indicates that full response is possible with modifications to the response systems. 

In addition to making sure any injured people are cared for and that high-risk situations have been defused, first responders may also be responsible for notifying families that a loved one has been injured or killed. 

Coping with grief 

From minor stresses to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), first responders may have a wide range of reactions to any given situation. As a loved one, there are some things you can do to help cope with even the most tragic cases. 

  • Encourage your loved one to share what they are upset about. 

  • If they do not want to talk, let them know the option is available. 

  • Encourage your loved one to seek individual or group counseling. There are many groups dedicated to grief and PTSD. 

  • Once you have made yourself available, give your loved one some space – they may not be ready to talk to you. 

  • Never tell a loved one to “get over it.” Doing so downplays the tragedy they experienced and can undermine their confidence. 

  • Take care of yourself first. It is difficult to help someone if you are also having trouble dealing with the situation. Consider talking to a family member, friend or counselor. 

Above all else, remember that recovering from the shock and sadness of a tragedy can take time. Be patient with your loved one.  

Additional resources